September Chronic Thoughts

It’s time again for the monthly writing prompts from Sheryl at A Chronic Voice. I always look forward to the prompts as a little writing writing challenge, and it’s always interesting to see what other bloggers do with the prompts. 

September is one of those in-between months. It is the end of summer and the entrance to fall here in my neck of the woods. It is the preview to the fall and winter holidays, which are my favorite time of the year. It’s a time of expectation and waiting, and I’m happy to be here. 

The prompts this month are gazing, shaming, defeating, concentrating, and empowering. Sheryl is certainly taking us on a journey here. Some of these concepts are tough to get through, but if the end result is empowerment, it will be worth the trip. 

Gazing

We moved into our current home a little over seven years ago. A big selling point for the house was the large windows that look out onto our mature maple trees in the front yard. The fall is always a lovely time in our neighborhood. There are a variety of trees that paint a beautiful picture of reds, oranges, and yellows. Gazing out onto that tapestry is one of my favorite pastimes. 

We have windows in the kitchen that face out onto a small swath of woods. We often get to see all kinds of wildlife. I grew up in a pretty industrial town, so I never got to see much in the way of nature there, so wildlife watching is one of my favorite pastimes. We get to see all kinds of birds, chipmunks, squirrels, bunnies, turkeys, and deer. One spring day, we got to watch a mama turkey lead her little fluffy babies all around our yard. I just love it. 

Shaming

Shame is a funny thing. It can be a strong motivator or a thing that can freeze us in our tracks. I’ve often felt shame when it comes to my chronic illness. I really can’t move around very well, and most things take a lot of effort. If I’m going to be out and about, which doesn’t happen often, I always try to plan for how I have to move. I would always make sure there were resting spots or I would stay in the car and let the rest of the family do the shopping or whatever. I often stay home, because I “don’t want to slow everyone else down”, but I do think there is quite a bit of shame in that feeling. It is hard to get over. I don’t really have any answers or advice on this one, because I am really right in the middle of it.

One thing that has helped is that we decided to purchase a wheelchair to help when I do feel up to going out. I can say the wheelchair has made a huge difference. We used it when we went for our second vaccine shots, and it made a huge difference.  Using it allowed me to enjoy myself instead of having to worry about how I was going to get from point A to point B. My daughter had a good time pushing me around and doing a little window shopping together. It was a good time, with no shame attached. 

Related posts:

• Late Summer Chronic Thoughts
• Ten Tools for Making Bad Days Better
• Compiling Your Medical History: Getting Started
• Spoon Theory and Chronic Illness

Defeating

We all have moments of defeat. Sometimes we create them ourselves, sometimes an outside force prevents us from being successful. 

There have been many times I have felt defeated. One point that sticks out to me is a time in my younger life when I didn’t get into the professional program I had hoped to. It was pretty crushing. I really didn’t know what to do next, as I had molded my academic career (and my life up to that point) to get into that program. In the long run, it was a blessing in disguise. That year was filled with unbelievable upheaval (new life, death, and financial and familial turmoil), and if I had gotten in, I would have had to drop out just after starting because of the things that had happened in my and my family’s lives. I ended up being right where I needed to be. So, defeat isn’t always as bleak as it looks. Often the plans we have laid for ourselves are not what ends up happening. Knowing that is okay and we can just keep going, even in the face of defeat, is one of the most important lessons I have learned. 

How you think life will go vs. how it actually goes. 

Concentrating

I am someone whose mind is always going, but thinking and concentrating are two different things. My chronic illness, specifically my chronic pain, makes it very difficult to concentrate at times. It can be really frustrating. I’ve looked for ways to kind of hack my concentration. I am a big list maker. I always have a notebook nearby to write down whatever it is that pops into my head at any given moment. I often have to make a concerted effort to concentrate on whatever it is I’m trying to get done. Once I can get past the initial block, I often can concentrate and really get rolling. I work with what I’ve got and where I am at the moment. 

Empowering

Finding empowerment while slogging through the days of chronic illness is hard but important. Small victories can add up to real empowerment. I didn’t think about how much getting the wheelchair had empowered me until I started writing it down here. I think finding workarounds and using them to keep as much normalcy as possible can be empowering when we’re in the throes of the limits of our chronic illnesses. 

I know there are things I can do or change that will help empower me despite my illness. The wheelchair is a good start, but a natural extension of that will be installing a ramp so I can easily get in and out of the house. A first-floor laundry and walk-in shower are two more things on the list, but all these things take money, so these are long-term goals to improve my quality of life and continue to increase empowerment. 

Asking for help can be empowering. It seems like a contradiction, but being willing to ask for help, and getting it, often results in good things happening. I am very lucky to be surrounded by a very supportive family. We all have our own issues and strengths and have all learned how and when to ask for help. I’m good at organizing and planning. D is good at all the little things that need to be done to reach a goal. The Hubs and K take care of cleanup after projects are done, and make sure things get done right. We have learned over time where our strengths lie and how to support each other. When each of us knows we’re contributing and helping each other, empowerment is a natural outcome, where we lift each other up.  

There were definitely some twists and turns in the writing prompts this month. We went from some difficult subjects with shaming and defeating, but came out empowered in the end. Thanks again to Sheryl at A Chronic Voice for hosting and providing the prompts, as always. Be sure to check out what everyone else had to say. How do you feel about these ideas? How do you deal with shaming or defeat? How do you empower yourself? Be sure to leave your thoughts in the comments.